Spiritual Expansion vs. Finite Limits

Abeja Rise | Substack no.07

I have been away for a minute.

The last time I wrote here was in November 2023. I want to apologize for the long absence, specifically for not communicating that either ahead of time, during, or until now. The work I do here is a foundational part of my spiritual activism and I do my best to stick to my commitments.

In my months away, some huge shifts have happened.

Last fall, I admitted to myself that I need to significantly cut back on my labor and commitments during the late fall and winter. For over a decade, this part of the year is full of deep grief and going inward. I also realized that I cannot deal with the white supremacist capitalist demands of “the holidays” in almost any capacity.

The holiday season of “joy and family and celebration” is something I rarely experience, but especially since my father passed away in 2011. And even more so as a low-income person with limited capacity to just “make gifts” or whatever other classist things I’ve been told or even tried to do for myself around that time of year.

Topic flag: cancer

This past year, I also found a lump in my breast. Eventually, I was told it was a mass that would simply disintegrate on its own. Between the time I told my doctor and three months later when I saw a specialist, life was impactful.

As a chronically-ill person, as a person with mental illness, I have grappled with my mortality before. In fact, I am genuinely shocked every time I have a birthday because I am gloriously still alive. And still, a “cancer scare” is well, scary.

The biggest lesson I learned during this time of uncertainty was that I was and am at peace with whatever may come. For me. In terms of my life, my illnesses, my existence. I bring this peace with me daily since then. This peace has unlocked a new level of grace and compassion in my heart. And a fierce protection of my heart as well.

Here is some good news: I am now a trained death doula.

As a 2023-2024 cohort member of the Creating Freedom Movements program, I received a grant that allowed me to complete end-of-life training. If you know me, or you’ve read any of the posts here, you might understand that the topic of grief is one that is tied up with my spiritual activism but also with my values as a person.

To have space to talk about grief and loss during my training was incredible. I learned skills that transcend grief work and truly expand into existence work. I feel more aligned with my purpose than I ever have in my life and I am so deeply grateful for the experience.

This role, while very new, has already connected me with folks that are also engaging in grief work. I have also found that just by mentioning my training, people are eager to dive right in to an intimate conversation about loss. These conversations have only confirmed how necessary this work is and what an honor it is to work alongside other grief workers.

Some Thoughts on Spiritual Expansion vs. Finite Limits

No, this isn’t a math lesson. ;) But if you need one, let’s talk! #FormerMathMajor

If you have worked with me in a spiritual capacity, we have probably talked about the concept of letting some part of our existence go in order to make room for something else. I didn’t come up with this concept but I have definitely resonated with it in the past. Maybe you did too. Maybe you still do. Either way is cool.

Two things have happened that have shifted my perspective.

One. I have begun working on a conflict resolution course created by the incredible Shilpa Jain. One of the things Jain covers is Karl Rohnke’s Comfort/Stretch/Panic Model. As Jain explains it, during difficult or even just challenging interactions with ourselves and/or others, our sweet spot can often exist in the stretch zone. The stretch is a place where we are stretching our comfort (or existing in a place of discomfort) without moving into a panic zone.

Here is a great YouTube video by My Sacred Space that explains this concept:

This idea of a stretch zone is essentially how I view expansion on a spiritual level. As creatures existing in the universe as we know it, a universe ever expanding, we too are ever expanding, especially in terms of consciousness, spiritual, mental or otherwise.

You might experience these periods of expansion as coming in intervals, randomly, rarely, or what feels like constantly. How this expansion manifests for us can wildly vary but we all have some range of capacity to engage in it, which also varies wildly.

Two. I recently saw this Facebook Reel by Mikah Jones of Beyond Healing that honestly blew my mind. 🤯

mikahjonesss

A post shared by @mikahjonesss

While this reel is centered around the concept of “letting go” in terms of romantic relationships, the method that Mikah shares can be applied in many different dynamics. For me, this is also a concept that can work with the idea of expansion.

When we ADD to our existence, as opposed to take away, we are practicing expansion. An example Mikah uses is adding calmness to an anxiety state. By assigning a color to anxiety and a color to calmness, by adding more of the calm color to the anxiety color, the calm color will eventually overpower the anxiety. It’s a method of dilution that can only come by ADDING to.

From a spiritual perspective, I believe there are no bounds to our existence. There are no finite limits. As ever-expanding creatures, we can only grow. So many factors can affect how a person connects (or doesn’t connect) to their spirituality. We all start from different places. And there is no definitive endpoint that we all must get to. There isn’t necessarily anything you have to DO. Or FIX. Or HEAL. To exist is to expand. And that is enough.

If you take anything away from this, I hope you can hold that the more you participate in your life, the more you are adding to it. The more you are expanding.

To my LA/SGV/IE/LB Friends - Come to these events!

If you’re in the greater Los Angeles or Inland Empire area, I will be at these upcoming events:

🠮 Seasons of Us Garden Parties - I am a co-founder of Transplanted Collective, a collective that focuses on accessibility, food justice and land sovereignty. We are facilitating two workshops this month at Mi Centro in Los Angeles. Here are the details:

Sunday, June 9th, 12-3pm AND Sunday, June 23rd, 12-3pm
Mi Centro, 553 S Clarence St, Los Angeles, CA 90033
Participation is free, food provided, and you get a $50 incentive for attending
RSVP here

🠮 Books & Brews Fundraiser - I am the Vice President of the Board for Underdog Bookstore & Events, Inc. We are hosting a fundraiser to help us transition from an LLC to a non-profit. Underdog Bookstore & Events, Inc. is a queer-owned bookstore in Monrovia. Here are all the details:

Sunday, June 9th, 1-8pm
Mt. Lowe Brewing Co., 150 E St Joseph St, Arcadia, CA 91006
Free, open to the public, family-friendly event
Can’t make it? Donate to our fundraiser here

🠮 The Great Green Gathering - I am a Community Member for Queer Food Foundation who is hosting a event in Long Beach at Plantiitas, a queer-owned plant store. One of my co-founders from Transplanted Collective and I will be on a panel and facilitating a hands-on activity. Here are all the details:

Tuesday, June 11th, 4-6pm
Plantiitas, 2011 E. 4th Street, Long Beach, CA 90814
Free, QTBIPOC-centered educational workshop
RSVP here

🠮 Upcoming Grief Circles - As I mentioned above, I am officially a death doula now. I am offering free grief circles in community and soon to be virtually. The next two officially scheduled are in Ontario. Here are all the details:

Friday, June 28th, 6-8pm AND Friday, July 26th, 6-8pm
CASA Pitzer, 200 S Euclid Ave, Suite B, Ontario, CA 91762
Free but limited space, plant-based food provided by The Salvi Vegan, masks are required (some will be available at the event) and free gift from Willie’s Vintage Monrovia
RSVP to either event here

Here are some cool things.

• A Telegram message thread called Calls to Action that centers collective liberation. Lots of simple, quick ways to take action.

• In honor of Pride Month, an article titled “What Does it Mean to Be Non-Binary?” by Quispe López for Them.

• Often overlooked in the Latine community, “How I’m Defining My Blackness & Latinidad on My Own Terms” by Aila Castane Jalloh for #WeAllGrow Latina.

• Beautiful article on the NYT, “What Deathbed Visions Teach Us About Living,” by Phoebe Zerwick. (Email me for access if you’re paywall’ed)

• A powerful read by Damaly Gonzalez on ARTNews, Artists Look at the Myth That Launched Colonialism, about the myth of El Dorado.

• For reasons of housing instability, check out Hadassah Damien’s wisdom in “How to buy a house with your friends,” because YES.

Thank you for sharing space with me. I appreciate you.

💗 Jen Venegas